Hi beloved,
Let’s start with the basics, what is abstinence?; it is the practice of abstaining from something : the practice of not doing or having something that is wanted or enjoyable. We can abstain from food which we normally call fasting, or we can abstain from sexual intimacy for a period of time, which can be done before and even during marriage. Abstinence in marriage will need to be an agreement between both spouses.
Now, when we hear “abstinence,” most of us immediately think, “Ugh… rules, control, restriction — God just doesn’t want me to have fun.” But truthfully? God’s not trying to ruin your fun — He’s trying to protect your peace. Because the truth is, drama, confusion, and soul ties aren’t that fun either 😅
When we wait till marriage, we’re not just “missing out” — we’re protecting our body, mind, and soul for what truly matters: intimacy with the right person.
And that whole “you gotta test drive the car before buying it” line? 😅
Let’s be real — people aren’t cars, and love isn’t a dealership.That’s not compatibility talking… that’s usually lust trying to sound logical. We all know sex — or sexual intimacy — is sacred. It’s a beautiful part of marriage, no doubt.But when you get intimate, you’re sharing more than your body… you’re sharing a piece of your soul.
And hear me out… sex is spiritual. It connects more than skin — it connects hearts, spirits, and destinies.
Sex is not merely physical, it’s a covenantal act designed by God to unite two people in the deepest way possible, body, soul and spirit. When the Bible says “and the two shall become one” Genesis 2:24, “one flesh” goes beyond the body. It’s a spiritual and emotional merging to reflect Gods covenant and faithfulness.
In marriage, sex is meant to seal the covenant between husband and wife, much like how blood sealed covenants in Scripture, its sacred, binding and reflective of divine unity, Ephesians 5:31-32.
When we engage in sex we are spiritually intertwining ourselves with another person. Outside of marriage this bond lacks the Covenantal covering God designed to bless and protect it.
Taking a pause to let you know, You’re reading “In All Honesty” a NIA Luxe blog, thank you for being here and I hope this encourages you. Let’s continue…
A relationship may feel very passionate, it can start with infatuation and though you may hope it leads to a serious relationship and true love, it often lacks the foundation of covenantal love, leading to insecurity or pain when it ends.
Something to consider, beloved — are the spiritual consequences of sex outside of marriage.
Let’s start with soul ties and spiritual confusion.
When you become intimate outside of covenant, you may still feel connected to that person long after things end — through memories, emotions, even guilt. That’s because your spirit bonded with theirs. And that can blur your discernment when it comes to recognizing God’s will for your future spouse.
It also creates distance from God — not because He stops loving you, but because sin clouds our spiritual clarity and peace (Isaiah 59:2 NKJV “But your iniquities have separated you from your God; And your sins have hidden His face from you So that He will not hear” also refer to 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 NKJV “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's”). Just like Adam and Eve after the fall, guilt and shame make us want to hide.
Then there’s how it impacts how you see yourself. God designed sex to affirm your worth within marriage — not as a form of validation or a “test drive.” Outside of covenant, many end up feeling used or unworthy, forgetting who they are in Christ.
And let’s not forget the spiritual warfare that can follow — confusion, jealousy, emotional instability, even depression. The enemy uses broken intimacy to break your peace and distract you from purpose.
Even emotionally, sex outside marriage ties you to someone who hasn’t made a lifelong commitment to protect your heart. When that ends, it often leaves insecurity and pain, not peace.
Beloved, God’s design isn’t restriction — it’s protection. What feels like a waiting period is really God’s way of guarding your heart until love comes with covenant. 💗
When love has been inconsistent in a woman’s life — maybe from absent fathers, broken trust, or unhealed heartbreak — she may begin to equate physical closeness with emotional security.
She may think, “If I give him my body, he’ll see my heart.”
But what often happens is the opposite: she’s left emptier, because the bond wasn’t rooted in real commitment or real love. And When sex is used to feel “close,” it can lead to emptiness when the emotional void remains unfilled by true love or purpose and this can create Cycles of guilt and numbness.
And when love has been inconsistent in a man’s life — maybe he grew up without affection, guidance, or emotional safety — he often learns to suppress what he feels instead of healing it.
So instead of seeking connection, he seeks escape.
Instead of love, he settles for attention.
Sex becomes the outlet — not for intimacy, but for control or temporary validation. He might even think, “I don’t catch feelings; I just have fun.” But deep down, that “fun” is often covering a lack he’s never addressed.
Because when a man hasn’t learned emotional safety, he becomes emotionally unavailable — careless with hearts, including his own. He gives his body but guards his soul. And over time, that leaves him empty, detached, and disconnected from both God and himself.
I just want to say to any man reading this, that real strength isn’t in how detached you can be — it’s in learning to feel, to wait, and to love with purpose.
But here’s the best news yet, if you’ve had sex outside of marriage, it’s important to know — God redeems. Through repentance and healing, He restores purity, renews your heart, and breaks unhealthy soul ties.
- 1 John 1:9 — “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Here’s why Abstinence Matters
Abstinence isn’t about deprivation — it’s about protection and preparation. God isn’t withholding the best from us, he’s saving the best for us. Abstinence safeguards your emotions, it promotes confidence, it keeps you spirituality sensitive, and allows you to discern love that is true and that is built on Christ.
By being faithful in honoring God and yourself Youre saying. “I trust God’s timing more than my feelings” and that’s what truly matters.
Thank you for reading today and thank you for being here. Feel free to Leave comments below, I love reading from you!
Warm regards
Trish, Founder NIA Luxe
“She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future”
Proverbs 31:25
In All Honesty, A NIA Luxe Blog.